i want:
im currently listening to ftts - i want. and ive been thinking... what do i want? in this year year, what is it exactly that i want?? issert happiness, friendships, good results for school, or maybe love? or maybe its none of those, and its just a mystery? and it makes me think, if other people have goals and expectations, what do i really want? what am i going to work hard for? what am i going to strive for?
well, just before, when i woke up, i did the usual routine. brush teeth, go toilet, wash face, have breakfast, drink water and medicine(just for now though)... but when i went to greet people this morning, my grandpa was not awake yet. usually, by the time i awake, he is awake too. though this morning, he wasnt. later when i went into the living room, i saw him sitting in the wheelchair, with my mum, grandma, and 2 uncles around him. they were helping him rinse his mouth, and it pained me to see so. when you see something so helpless, you feel upset, and utterly and completely stunned. what is it that makes someone look so pitiful, if thats the right word. i wonder, is it someone punishing us for something? what do people do to deserve it? my grandpa was diagnosed with gall bladder cancer not long ago, probably 4-5 months ago. and hes been continuously losing strength. it makes me so confused, when only a year or less ago, he would be walking around, smiling, talking. now, he has to be wheeled in a wheelchair, he barely speaks, just mumbles or grunts, and has a look of, i cnat even describe. it breaks my heart when i see him like this. he barely eats anymore, and is helped everywhere. does cancer do this to you? or is it because you are old? when i describe this, does it scare people and not want to get old or get cancer? i just hope he can recover, although it may be impossible to dream and hope about it, i think this year, i want him to become healthy again. i want to see him smile again, and i want him to not cry anymore. i want my family to be healthy, and i want them to not worry about me being an idiot, or worry about me. so i hope, and wish, this comes true.
well, just before, when i woke up, i did the usual routine. brush teeth, go toilet, wash face, have breakfast, drink water and medicine(just for now though)... but when i went to greet people this morning, my grandpa was not awake yet. usually, by the time i awake, he is awake too. though this morning, he wasnt. later when i went into the living room, i saw him sitting in the wheelchair, with my mum, grandma, and 2 uncles around him. they were helping him rinse his mouth, and it pained me to see so. when you see something so helpless, you feel upset, and utterly and completely stunned. what is it that makes someone look so pitiful, if thats the right word. i wonder, is it someone punishing us for something? what do people do to deserve it? my grandpa was diagnosed with gall bladder cancer not long ago, probably 4-5 months ago. and hes been continuously losing strength. it makes me so confused, when only a year or less ago, he would be walking around, smiling, talking. now, he has to be wheeled in a wheelchair, he barely speaks, just mumbles or grunts, and has a look of, i cnat even describe. it breaks my heart when i see him like this. he barely eats anymore, and is helped everywhere. does cancer do this to you? or is it because you are old? when i describe this, does it scare people and not want to get old or get cancer? i just hope he can recover, although it may be impossible to dream and hope about it, i think this year, i want him to become healthy again. i want to see him smile again, and i want him to not cry anymore. i want my family to be healthy, and i want them to not worry about me being an idiot, or worry about me. so i hope, and wish, this comes true.
posted by annie at
12:15 PM
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